Sunday, June 29, 2008

2 years...

I don't like to think about it, because if I do it will come even faster. In 2 years (technically 1 year 6 months) I will be 30 years old, where the hell did it all go? All the things that I was suppose to accomplish when I was 18 has not happened yet. I'm not the famous actor, nor director, and screenwriter, and I'm not yet married with chern (I'm actually happy that that last one has not yet had a chance to happen). The only that I have been able to do is graduate from collage, at least there's something to be proud of. I'm not disappointed that any of those things have not yet happened for me, I am more disappointed in myself for not working hard enough to make those things happen. I let to many non-factors get in the way, I worried so much about keeping a job that I hated, I evidently let it take over my life, I started feeling sorry for myself, and I thought there was no way out and I let myself believe that my life was over. Not keeping my eyes on the road ahead let apathy set in, and apathy leads to death for anyone's dreams. I realized all of this last night while talking to a friend, we were both talking about how fucked up our lives were because of our jobs, I was trying to get her to understand that it's not over for us we can still make things happen for us as long as we stay committed to our goals, and while telling her this I unleashed some wisdom on to myself. I have given up on everything that I've wanted to do, my film, my writing, finding the perfect women for me. Apathy is a MOTHERFUCKER!!!! The first thing that I'm adding to my list of changes is to stay committed and to re-commit myself to all the things that I wanted and still want to do with my life.

Hopes this helps anybody who reads it.

Peace and LOVE.

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Blogger Jaclyn said...

I can totally relate. As soon as the lawyer gives it the go, I'm outta my lame job and onto finding what i really want to do...

June 30, 2008 at 9:13 PM  
Blogger jerrard said...

I think we're at that point where we are having a sort of quarter life crisis about our general direction in life. It's never too late though. We don't have to lead one lane lives. We can drive in another lane with each other and help each other out. You're talented. You can do it Stan!

July 4, 2008 at 5:52 PM  

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